Candlekeep

Sexuality

The Hooded One (2010 May 22) So saith Ed, Candlekeep]

Alusair, like her father, enjoyed sex. Lots of sex, often. Filfaeril loved sex in private, not so often. Tanalasta liked sex in private, seldom. Most people in the Realms, as in our real world, want lots of sex in their teenaged years, and then their lusts taper off—but the Azouns and Alusairs are rarer than the Tanalastas. Ed’s Realms have the full variety of human tastes and experiences, NOT a global nonstop orgy.

Incest

Greenwood, Ed (2006 Aug. 27) So saith Ed, Candlekeep]

Inbreeding: as royalty sets the laws in almost every place in the Realms that has royalty (except in a few city-states, not yet detailed, where priesthoods have strong influences), there’s nothing illegal about inbreeding. It’s rare, and when it does happen is usually mothers marrying sons because the father (the king) has been slain, and the mother wants THAT son (often a bastard) to rule, or fathers (kings) marrying daughters. Sometimes brothers hitch up with sisters— and uncle/niece and aunt/nephew pairings are quite common and aren’t even thought of (in the Realms) as inbreeding. Yes, there are inevitable genetic problems. When they become obvious is usually when rules start to get forced into place (and the drooling idiots get locked up and never spoken of again, or killed in “accidents” if they don’t have to be kept around for possible backup breeding purposes). It’s important to remember that many of the Realms deities encourage “sex for fun” (or even “sex for religious rapture”) and their priests have magical and pharmaceutical meals of preventing contraception, so “it’s only incest if the female partner gets pregnant.” This, by the way, usually means family members satisfy their curiosity and indulge feelings of mutual affection, and then go looking for less “safe and familiar” but far more exciting partners, elsewhere.

The Hooded One (2010 May 22) responding to query about Alusair’s relationship with possible Azoun bastards So saith Ed, Candlekeep]

Partners contemplating such relationships in the Realms will be fully aware of how it might harm friendships and family relationships, the complications it might cause regarding inheritances, and so on. The Obarskyrs, most nobles, and many other Cormyreans have access to magical contraception, and almost all Cormyreans (and Dalefolk, and Sembians, and…) to herbal contraception. Some want to use it, some don’t (and remember, some faiths in the Realms have a very different position on incest than the Judeo-Christian one).

This is something Ed and I have talked about, too, and he has made it very clear that the female Obarskyrs (some of whom married into the clan, of course, rather than being born into it) would behave very differently if contraception wasn’t available. Also, the existence of magical contraception has saved many noble women from rape, because it takes away the danger of it being done cold-bloodedly to get a tie to a family’s inheritance or wealth.

Temple Prostitution

The Hooded One (2010 may 23) So saith Ed, Candlekeep]

Q: How common is temple prostitution? I imagine that it’s fairly common, and is of two varieties: 1) The faiths which encourage sexual rapture (the word ecstasy DOES mean “out of stasis”) who have willing, eager, and giving priests and priestesses (in this category I can easily see Sune, Hanali, Chaumtea, Kelemvor, Eldath, and Lliira) and 2) Those faiths which capitalize on sexual excess (I imagine Shar and Loviatar’s churches to be the biggest of these) to blackmail/tempt/dominate parishioners in order to further temple goals. Is this an accurate view?

A: It is indeed very common, and your view is accurate. I would of course add Sharess to your first list of faiths. However, this doesn’t mean that temples usually run overt brothels, or try to compete with (or stamp out) free-enterprise prostitution. Sex is used in rituals in specific (narrow) ways, for worship of the deity and “improvement of self to make the self a better servant of the deity as well as more pleasing to the deity and therefore more favored by the deity.”

Sexuality

Greenwood, Ed (2010 June 13) So saith Ed, Candlekeep]

Symrustar after becoming Chosen is open to both male and female relationships, with elves, humans, and half-elves… but not VERY open. Many Chosen, when they first become Chosen, are wary of forming close relationships with anyone other than Mystra, Azuth, and fellow Chosen (plus other servitors of Mystra), because they don’t want those they come to love to be endangered by consorting with them. Most Chosen slowly “grow out” of this attitude.

Mystra has become good at nurturing her mortal Chosen so they don’t, at least, feel lonely in their first few years as Chosen. They get mothered, befriended by fellow Chosen, and made to feel they belong. (In the past, with the previous Mystra and with Mystryl, this didn’t always happen.)

Sexual “Promiscuity”

The Hooded One (2011 Jan. 1) So saith Ed, Candlekeep]

Alustriel is promiscuous FROM A MODERN REAL-WORLD NORTH AMERICAN VIEW (one not shared by all North Americans; witness the various polygamist sects and families to be found in North America today). She binds folk to her as friends and lovers by her warm love and friendship, preferring to achieve political results through love rather than war, whenever possible, and tries to assuage her personal loneliness at the same time.

She is NOT undiscerning, and although she would unhesitatingly have bedded battalions of orcs to secure peace between humans and orcs n the North, she’s just not that stupid (to think that having half-orc offspring could have much of an effect at all on human/orc relationships, and to secure any sort of peace between them).

Sex and Gender

Greenwood, Ed (2011 Dec. 5) So saith Ed, Candlekeep]

The gods of the Realms are all (and have always been) sexual beings, because I created the Realms that way, though the needs of TSR and later Wizards (Code of Ethics/Code of Conduct, “appropriate for target audiences”, et al) have often led to this being downplayed, not mentioned, or obfuscated in the published Realms.

Life and creation are essentially sexual acts, and all of the deities of the Realms are potentially pansexual but in practice tend to cleave to one gender or another—and “have sex” very seldom (when doing so with other deities, there are obvious issues of safety for self [attack from other deities when vulnerable], and ongoing implications [offspring/power loss]). Sex for deities may involve the physical (and shapeshifting), but is primarily an energy melding and transfer (“mingling of divine fire”) and involves intense sensations of pleasure for the participants. Deities engaging in sex can choose to “leave behind” tiny amounts of their essence to give them instant mental communications/control links, though if they try this with another deity it must be by permission (unless there’s a huge power imbalance between the two beings), or it will simply be rejected/expelled. Often two allied deities will engage in this deliberately—and they can, if they wish, do so swiftly without any great energy exchange or enjoyment.

Rules about life

Greenwood, Ed (2012 Nov. 28) So saith Ed, Candlekeep]

The rules governing the lives of monks vary from faith to faith and even from holy order to holy order, but in general, monks aren’t celibate, and are allowed to have long-term relationships (both formal [marriage] and informal). However, they often aren’t allowed to marry until they have fulfilled a personal quest, holy task, “degree of enlightenment” or other spiritual training or attainment.

In theory, decisions as to sexual conduct of monks are made by the deity; in practice, the abbot or prior or heirophar or (insert title of head of monastery here) makes the decision, and if a deity disagrees, dream- or altar-visions are sent to both the superior and the monk concerned, and the decision is altered. In general, an order will have “teachings” that outline rules that postulants (would-be monks) agree to accept as a condition of joining. In the Realms, all sane deities accept that mortals grow and change throughout life, so no choices or decisions are necessarily “final” and irrevocable. Circumstances change, and so do people.

Almost all monastic communities (except for the most remote mountain and cavern ones) have nearby or even surrounding settlements full of “lay” folk, and these include the families of monks—and yes, indeed, the children of clergy (including monks) are seen as “the first and most fertile of ground” for finding future clergy (including monks).

Some orders take vows of chastity or seclusion from the secular world or the company of other genders, but it should be noted that such faiths almost always observe annual holy festivals during which these vows are relaxed or specifically set aside (so there can be fraternization, lovemaking, “unwinding” of cares, and so on).

Sexuality Attitudes

Greenwood, Ed (2012 Nov. 28) So saith Ed, Candlekeep]

As to sexual attitudes in the Realms, there is indeed local prejudice against individuals who have “different” or “unusual” sexuality—bigotry and a dislike of change and “what’s not usual” is everywhere and is (unfortunately) part of being human.

Specific religions often invoke temporary abstinence as punishments for transgressions against the creed of the faith, but other matters sexual are usually ignored in doctrine, rather than policed by doctrine (consecration or baptism of willing, old-enough-to-choose offspring being an important exception; this is urged and promoted by almost all Faerûnian faiths).

Yet in a polytheistic setting in which everyone “believes in” and worships (in some fashion, even if it’s only “Here’s a prayer, now please don’t bother me today”) ALL of the gods, clergy avoid endorsing discrimination against someone because of sex. Which doesn’t mean they won’t severely speak to someone they think does something inappropriate, like trying to fornicate with grieving individuals at a funeral, or anyone forcing their attentions on someone except a recipient receiving such attentions as part of a ritual to Loviatar or Sharess or Sune or Shiallia the recipient has agreed beforehand to take part in, and knows what this will mean [in other words, self-chosen submission is acceptable, but being on the receiving end of forced and unwanted sex is not].

Shiallia wants all creatures to reproduce and multiply, which means fertile females should engage in sex with partners of their choice, regardless of their marital state (and all devout worshippers of the goddess should help in the feeding and rearing of said offspring); it does NOT mean those fertile females have to accept the advances of every passing creature.

In general, “anything goes” in the wilderness, the settled status quo is most valued (and adhered to) in small villages and towns, and as places get larger and have more contact with the wider Realms (market towns, being on caravan routes), the more tolerant and varied sexuality can be found and is tolerated/ignored. Bisexual characters exist in the Realms and always have done, as have “out” homosexual characters, May/December partnerships, polygamy, and just about everything else.

Yet matters sexual are seldom the “big deal” in the Realms that it is in any real-world area dominated by one faith, where clerics of that faith presume to tell others “how to behave.” The polytheistic nature of the Realms is one reason for this, and another is the D&D® game itself, that with its array of sentient races, presents what some would call “bestiality” or other terms for “coupling with other races” as a fait accompli (otherwise, there would be no “half-elves” or “half-orcs”).

Yes, this has all been discussed before, but that’s okay. The computerized search-fu in the Keep is frail, but the minds of its scribes are sharp, quick, and apt to dredge up old lines from older scrolls when the need arises.

The beauty of fantasy roleplaying, and the Realms, is that anyone playing in it can include or leave out or ignore or gloss over what they want to or are most comfortable with. The darkness creeps in when one player or group tries to impose their preferences on everyone else.

Some festhalls, brothels, and clubs signal whom or what they cater to, but most don’t; locals just “know” (and tavernmasters and innkeepers will discreetly answer queries as to “where to go” without misleading or reacting with hostility to such questions; correctly guiding guests without making judgments is just part of their livelihood). Carved signboards are the most common advertisement (depicting entwined, kissing couples or triads or quartets, usually in no more detail than heads, arms, shoulders, and bared breasts, with the participants indicating what “goes” inside: for example, two men together, or a lizard man and a human female, with a free hand raised to hold a glass if it’s also a drinking club, or holding a hand of cards or a platter of food to indicate a gambling establishment or that food is served, and so on).

Infidelity, Swinging

The Hooded One (2013 July 2013) So saith Ed, Candlekeep]

Yes, the nobility of Amn, Cormyr, Sembia, and Waterdeep ALL engage in what the Sixties real world called "swinging," and the expectations of monogamy are lower than among commoners. If you define infidelity as sex outside a marriage without the approval of the married partners involved, it’s higher among commoner than among the upper monied classes/nobility (because they expect it and either consent and participate, or tacitly consent by turning a blind eye and not minding).

These are, of course, generalizing statements, and often break down when it comes to specific individuals, who may well NOT approve. Among nobles and "wannabe noble" social climbers, there have always been a strong cohort of those who gossip deliciously about such things, publicly disapproving—but in private enthusiastically participate, if they get the chance.